Dear Future Baby,
This probably is something you are not going to want to read about, but you need to know. I grew up Catholic, not strict Catholic, but Catholic nonetheless. When you grow up Catholic and a girl, sex gets skewed in so many different ways. Now, when you grow up a Catholic, Mexican girl in Texas, you are really in for a lot of misinformation. When I was in ninth grade, we had abstinence-only education, which told us girls that virginity is a "gift" and if we already "gave away our gift", we could "re-wrap" it. And there were boys at the seminar too, but we all knew that this was not directed at the boys. Because if boys are not virgins, they are not considered dirty, unclean, used, sluts, unpure, or whatever other bullshit people say. Boys get to skate by because "boys will be boys," right?
(Remember, my experiences differ from many other people's experiences. This is from my life. One perspective only.)
So, with all of the above in mind, I was also heavily involved in a Christian youth group. I went to camp, youth leadership seminars, I volunteered at a camp for a month, I was almost a youth group leader, and I minored in Religious Studies for a short time in college. But I was a teenager with hormones and a boyfriend. I wanted to have sex, but I was taught sex was bad, and having sex would make me dirty and God would not love me, and no one would marry me if I was not a virgin. And, bless your grandma, but she never really talked to me about sex. I learned about sex through abstinence-only seminars, church groups, and my friends. Which, combined, makes for horrible sex experiences, I will not tell you when I first had sex, but I was not married. And with all of these ideas about virginity floating around in my head, I could not enjoy sex. And for a long time, even sex with your father made me feel guilty, even though we were married. These ideas ingrained in me since I was a child made sex dirty, and made me feel guilty.
I do not want to give the impression that sex before marriage is bad, it is not. Sex is an important part of marriage and relationships. And if you and your partner, unless they or you are asexual, do not click in that way, neither of you will be happy. Do not be afraid to explore what works for you sexually and do not be afraid to let your partner know what you like. Communicate with each other and find out what works for both of you. When I became a feminist and started my Women's Studies minor, I was shown the light. I learned about sex through a feminist's eyes, and let me tell you, sex is amazing and beautiful.
I also want you to know and understand that sex is super personal and intimate. When you have sex with someone, your heart is in it too. At least, it should be. The decision to have sex should not be taken lightly. I believe it's important to be in a committed and honest relationship before choosing to have sex.
This is all assuming you even want to have sex. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex at all.
The articles linked below helps to dispel the myths about sex girls and boys are often told and believe. Your dad and I will also be here when you want to talk about sex. I know that you are my baby, but one day you will be someone's partner and will most likely have sex. I just want that sex to be amazing and guilt free.
We love you.
https://mic.com/articles/88029/17-lies-we-need-to-stop-teaching-girls-about-sex#.hoBNot7vF
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/07/17-lies-about-sex/
(Photo credit via Tumblr)